substances

gotta be addicted somehow

to love or painkillers

to pain or lovekillers

substances substantial

stuff

need more of it

must declutter

tracking my macros

on the app

tells me

my hrv is wildly

ordinary

excessive exercise

(and podcasts)

the only way

to quiet

racing thoughts

thoughts of racing

and getting a pb

fuel anxiety

anxiety is fuel

to keep showing up

show up and keep to

the program

progress not perfection

perfection in constant

progress,

cultivate

aesthetic athletic

movement

maintain

motivation

love

and pain

an addict understands

the drive the desire

motivation, smitten

beholden to addiction, begotten

be gotta, be, gotta,

gotta be

Spoken version of this poem here:

clairevetica