I want to go back

to a beer garden in Glebe

on a sunny afternoon

where I could sit in half-sun

shadow my true self in

a cloak of booze

you knew all the pretty boys

in sleeveless tops

and the old farts

playing pool, getting sloppy

I’ll pop to the ladies

the moment’s pause

calm darkness indoors

then get more

cool green railway tiles

old wood and stained glass

that chalky pink scent

bath-bombs and lust

threads through

tunes on the decks

starting up

swells of crowd noise

we’re all getting lush

throw myself off

that sledgehammer cliff

of drinking til dusk

sometimes fly

sometimes crash

the worst when

it just goes flat

the betrayal of drink

if it doesn’t click

think I lost something there

or never found it

you know what I miss?

the obliterating wave

to shift

my set point

I want to hide

in the chaos and slide

caught up, unobserved

for I am so afraid

petrified and stuck

that the only way through

a punishing ride

 

Photo by Liam McKay on Unsplash