dreamt I fell in love
it was so simple
like a small clear window
didn’t have to search for it
didn’t have to try
your clean, sudden lines
eyes smiling in delight
you said
it’s us now, forever
for however long that lasts
I laughed, and said
you know
I used to find you annoying
with your past life, past wives…
our movie showed a map
we travelled across Tanzania
on the coca-cola croc train
stopping here and there
to refill our canteen
dreamt I fell in love
it was so simple
looked down and it was there
like a small clear window
certainty at last
a strip of perfect light
dreamt I fell in love
oh, come back night
I played around with trying to turn this into a sonnet but it didn’t work so well. Maybe it’s a ‘deconstructed sonnet’.
Photo: https://unsplash.com/@joelmwakasege
Added to dVerse open link night
clairevetica 
No mention of d’Verse poets, where you posted this.
I like this surreal poem.
This was so good. I’ve no idea about sonnets- but it’s beauty gets my vote!
This is lovely Claire, to me it reads like a song ☺🎶
Thanks – it made me wish I could play guitar and/or do songwriting!
Funny. Ideal easy love as a dream? I enjoyed this style. Though love poems, especially betrayed love or unrequited love poems do abound almost as much a beautiful nature poems, this one had a plain fun feel.
thankyou Sabio 🙂
I agree, it sounds like a song! What a lovely picture you painted. I love love, and I love dreaming about it.
Thanks Angela – I really should ask a musical friend if they want to write some notes for me 🙂
You’re welcome. 💜
A beautiful flow. (K)
thanks!
Your deconstruction turned out beautifully, Claire and I agree that it is lyrical and song-like. I love the way it has developed from such a simple premise: that falling in love is simple, especially in the lines, with the clarity of the window and the strip of perfect light, that then twists into the ambiguous final line: ‘oh, come back night’.
Thankyou
Love this… especially the repeated simile of a clear window… don’t think it would have worked as well as a sonnet.
Kind of you to say 🙂 Yes, sometimes they won’t be shoehorned into formal structures!
Not having to try is the best part of being in love.
🙂
Sonnet deconstructed, or whatever it is, it is beautiful! Lyrical and tender, but not sloppy. LOL! Just a real gem. repeat reflections were well here. Just lovely.
I know with me, sonnet form twists my natural voice, into something I don’t recognize. I think the form you wrote in is perfect for the story.
Thanks. I found that too: when i tried
– oops. Hit send too soon! Was trying to say that when i tried to sonnetise (!) It just sounded really trite. Thanks for your comments 🙂
Sonnet or no, it’s a wonderful read. I enjoyed it.
Thankyou 🙂
Beautiful poem. I’m just learning about forms and rhyme schemes. I think if it sounds like poetry it’s poetry. Maybe I will get in trouble for that…..haha
I think you’re right! Thanks
This is incredibly beautiful!💕
Thankyou 🙂
I love the flow of this, the melancholy vibe.
Thankyou!
The personal touch, as much as in your notion of not sonnetising it, makes your writing both accessible and delightful to read. I look forward to reading more of your works, Claire.
Thankyou!
I really enjoyed reading it, I enjoyed the repeated thought- it was fragile and almost wistful.
Nicely penned
Thankyou!