Have children, they make your life complete
You’ll learn more from them than they ever will from you
As long as you use these parenting methods… no, wait
Don’t have children, they’ll ruin your lifestyle
They bring joy but also pain and annoyance
Find your dream job
Don’t work. It sucks. We support you.
Find something fulfilling to do that is not-work
Or give up your dreams. Both will have similar results on net happiness within 3%
Be a good wife/mother/daughter while perusing your dreams
Understand that the dreams of your 30s and 40s are not the same as those of your teens and 20s
But think back to what you loved doing as a child and do that
Make time for yoga and/or pilates
Limit screen time
Take some me time. Where did all the time go?
Get your body back after childbirth
But make sure you breastfeed for around 4 years (world average!)
Some of those long-breastfeeding societies may also still smack their kids
Or practise female circumcision
Don’t do that
Travel – it broadens the mind
Always be aware of your carbon footprint though
Also spend time on not-travel, because travel can be stressful
You need to switch off!
Banish negative thoughts, anxiety and judgement
Although, since those thoughts are part of you,
Observe them, but let them pass you by, like cars on a highway
Not real cars of course
Too polluting. Just like those negative thoughts. You don’t want to get cancer
Learn a new skill
With all that spare time you have
Teach yourself German
Avoid banks and call centres
unless you work in one.
It’s not the worst job, right?
Be the best middle-manager you can be
Job satisfaction is important!
Buy beautiful, artisanal, unique products
Like everyone else
You’ll notice a big difference when the producer really cares
But save by getting the basics from Lidl, Aldi and Ikea
Be careful using your card details online
As a good, global e-commerce citizen
Shopping online reduces your carbon footprint!
And it’s so quick
Eat organic, local, seasonal products
Even if organic is just damned lies and marketing
Watch those food miles, even though your smartphone is from Korea
With components sourced by slaves
(I know. I know… But I need it)
Cut out sugar and trans fats
Except the occasional treat – you deserve it!
Or if you’re really sleep deprived
I think pulled-pork on a brioche bun with hand-cut chips is OK
But a Big Mac Menu is not
Care about the environment
Sign petitions and Donate here!!!
It feels so good to give something back
The pebbles in my garden come from a mine in India but
I buy dolphin-friendly tuna
Plant a garden
Bake a cake, learn to knit, jump into a mountaintop jacuzzi
Do some adult colouring-in
Spend quality time with everyone you know, and your kids, and don’t forget to factor in some me-time
Once you achieve all this, there is no excuse not to be happy
Today’s National/Global Poetry Writing Month prompt/challenge was to write a didactic poem that focuses on a practical skill. I hope I’ve covered all the tips for a happy life here, but if I’ve forgotten anything, please let me know in the comments below…