Have children, they make your life complete

You’ll learn more from them than they ever will from you

As long as you use these parenting methods… no, wait

Don’t have children, they’ll ruin your lifestyle

They bring joy but also pain and annoyance

 

Find your dream job

Unlikely?

Don’t work. It sucks. We support you.

Find something fulfilling to do that is not-work

Maybe parenting?

 

Think big

Or give up your dreams. Both will have similar results on net happiness within 3%

Be a good wife/mother/daughter while perusing your dreams

Understand that the dreams of your 30s and 40s are not the same as those of your teens and 20s

But think back to what you loved doing as a child and do that

 

Exercise regularly

Make time for yoga and/or pilates

Practise mindfulness

Limit screen time

Take some me time. Where did all the time go?

 

Get your body back after childbirth

But make sure you breastfeed for around 4 years (world average!)

Some of those long-breastfeeding societies may also still smack their kids

Or practise female circumcision

Don’t do that

 

Travel – it broadens the mind

Always be aware of your carbon footprint though

Also spend time on not-travel, because travel can be stressful

And expensive

You need to switch off!

 

Banish negative thoughts, anxiety and judgement

Although, since those thoughts are part of you,

Observe them, but let them pass you by, like cars on a highway

Not real cars of course

Too polluting. Just like those negative thoughts. You don’t want to get cancer

 

Learn a new skill

With all that spare time you have

Explore astrophysics.

Teach yourself German

Sehr gut

 

Avoid banks and call centres

unless you work in one.

It’s not the worst job, right?

Be the best middle-manager you can be

Job satisfaction is important!

 

Shop local

Buy beautiful, artisanal, unique products

Like everyone else

You’ll notice a big difference when the producer really cares

But save by getting the basics from Lidl, Aldi and Ikea

 

Be careful using your card details online

As a good, global e-commerce citizen

Shopping online reduces your carbon footprint!

And it’s so quick

Cheaper, too

 

Eat organic, local, seasonal products

Even if organic is just damned lies and marketing

Watch those food miles, even though your smartphone is from Korea

With components sourced by slaves

(I know. I know… But I need it)

 

Cut out sugar and trans fats

Except the occasional treat – you deserve it!

Or if you’re really sleep deprived

I think pulled-pork on a brioche bun with hand-cut chips is OK

But a Big Mac Menu is not

 

Care about the environment

Sign petitions and Donate here!!!

It feels so good to give something back

The pebbles in my garden come from a mine in India but

I buy dolphin-friendly tuna

 

Plant a garden

Bake a cake, learn to knit, jump into a mountaintop jacuzzi

Do some adult colouring-in

Spend quality time with everyone you know, and your kids, and don’t forget to factor in some me-time

Once you achieve all this, there is no excuse not to be happy

 

Today’s National/Global Poetry Writing Month prompt/challenge was to write a didactic poem that focuses on a practical skill. I hope I’ve covered all the tips for a happy life here, but if I’ve forgotten anything, please let me know in the comments below…